The most important thing today. It’s 10th november! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALVIN CHEN, MY SUNSHINE BOY! (:

love you when you smile. :D

love you when you fool around like this!

Most of all, love your sunshine smile! (:

So happy there’s you in my life, Calvin Chen. When I’m upset, your smile cheers me up! I love it when you and WuZun squabble, it’s so adorable! haha. And your absolute knack to please us is so sweet, that we fall head over heels for you all over again! Because it’s you who makes me smile, when you talk to us. You bring laughter into any fan greeting session here in Singapore. And even if the fanclub isn’t there to greet you (cos Sabrina is a bitch) WE STILL SUPPORT YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

(I hope you got to keep/see the car. :D)

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The renovations downstairs are killing me. I suddenly miss Fahrenheit.

PW IS OVERRRR. yay, scream, shout, jump and grin. :D

Presentation was generally okay, I guess. Stumbled and i didn’t know what the heck I was talking about for Q&A but it was a relief when it was over. Fiona’s group did coral reefs also. Arifa complained she was bored as well. hahaha. But so glad it’s over. :D

Thank you those who wished me good luck today, Lutfiyya, Kenny and Dylan. :D it means a lot that you remembered! (: Although I only saw some after the OP. it made myself feel better. And Dylan, for all the encouragement for my OP and my promo results! :D i always feel so much better after talking to you. :D

Ms Yoong wanted me to go school at 7.30am tmr but wth, my mother drove me down just now to hand up the bleeding form. Then went to Thomson for dinner. (:

Came home and watched 终极三国 哇脩和香好可爱！“你的大个很小心眼！”

阿香：“我要约吕布喝茶。”

脩：“什么！”

阿香：“哎哟，你不要吃醋啦，我要你跟我去啊！”

五虎将！<3

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Although I know, I’m probably getting myself into trouble, I can’t help smiling to myself when I talk to you. When you say something comforting, the anxiety, the sadness it melts away and disappears without a trace. I can grin to myself like a fool and ignore everyone else around me. And yet, I know I’m gonna regret it later, no matter how much it makes me light hearted.

No matter what I do, I still can’t stop thinking of you.

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I love him when he’s so immersed in his music. (:

and omo~ his 4D-ness is what makes me 越来越爱!

his smile is great, his voice is more awesome!

So cute, baby and Kyu are loveeee (and pat agrees! wahahaha)

okay, im off. dont wanna think any more. Gonna learn Korean tmr. wheeeee. :D

Watched 2 eps of friends yesterday which was damn funny.

Before I slept last night I prayed to Daddy God and asked him if what’s runing through my brain for the past few days (and now, also) is right, is what is meant to happen, let me dream again. Give me another dream that’s related. And apparently, I dreamt again last night, a dream I can remember. A dream that isn’t really vague.

Although I admit it was a short dream, somehow I don’t know what to think now. What is it that Daddy God has planned for me? I know that he has this awesome plan, but can I just get a tiny glimpse, pretty please with a cherry on the top? I dont wanna screw up friendships because of foolhardy hot-headedness or in the heat of the moment thing.

sighhh. I think I’m gonna drive myself insane or smth. :/

(/edit @ 6.15pm)

I really got no mood to do anything and my mind is only filled with ONE thing.

I just cannot wait for OP to be done, in that way I no need feel so anxious. I can sense a panic attack coming on. Panic about tmr’s OP. (what if i screw up?) Panic about everything that is in my mind.

Birthday’s on friday. (: Godsis wants to date me on sunday. wheeee. :D And if someone asks me what I want for my birthday? I don’t know. The things I want are really unrealistic. First on my list is _ but it’ll probably give me a heartbreak. One day, I’m not gonna be able to recover. Just gonna leave my heart in the pieces it already is in. Second on my list? ITOUCH! :D But the first one is the only thing I can think about.

I don’t know. It’s been so long since I thought of you that i don’t know what i want anymore either. I swore off relationships, i swear. But, my heart doesn’t listen to my head apparently. I can’t even concentrate on 脩, 五虎将 & 阿香! sighhh.

如果感情又激起来了呢？

如果我想你，都快要像疯了呢？

没有相思病，可是却是这么的想你，脑海里只有你。当看到你，却目不转睛。那我该怎么办？

不可以去告白。死都不可以。因为我知道，这样的我们，很可能关系变尴尬，变僵。那我才真的会后悔。

如果要问，我17岁呀的是什么，我可以说你吗？

Went out to watch Imagine That at Great World City today. It’s cute! :D Then went to Timezone and saw Sarah there. recognised her backview, sorta. but wasn’t sure if it was really her. hahaha. Ate lunch then rushed home to get ready for church.

Church was okay. Confirmation mass today. Only know Alex la. hahaha. (: Then Uncle Trevor wished me super early happy birthday. Thank you! (:

But I was damn super distracted today I swear. My brain full of things that should be elsewhere. sigh. and oh yah, CHINA TRIP CANCELLED LIKE WTF?! Kenny was cursing and swearing on MSN yesterday. haha. So Monday gotta go get from Ms Yoong or smth. haha.

talked a little to Roodra, Riley and Dan today. Thank You Dan, you’re the biggest life saver to stop me from going crazy or smth! :D

And this song suddenly seems to carry so much meaning to me.

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, you're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it won't be enough

sigh, life kinda sucks right now. Gonna die for op on monday.

Oh, and I’m in <3 with 五虎将 + 脩

Back from PW. Memorised script while Sonic and Chris MIA-ed then left at 10 with Arifa. (:

Went to Toa Payoh for a bit, debated whether to rent the drama then thought: ah heck, it’s clear on youtube! hahaha.

Spoke to Ee Seuu last night on fb then decided to DELETE it from fb anyway. haha. apparently, we have almost the same thing happening to us. amazing huh. So chatted a lil then went to sleep.

I’m battling with myself, really. I don’t know what to do about myself, i don’t know how to deal with all the raging emotions. Why is my life so difficult huh. ):

okay, gonna watch show. will be back to blog some more later. (:

btw, i enjoyed talking last night. :D

Went to City Hall to meet Hui Tze yesterday. awesome (: best part about us is that no matter how long we haven’t spoken or seen each other, it’s not awkward la. hahaha. Well, supposed to collect fanletters and i got THIS.

yes, your eyes do not deceive you. I showed this to misha and lore today which caused us to start talking about how we’re gonna deal with this! haha. So I have to go through all of this. omg. It’s supposed to be fanletters but SO many sent like boxes of presents or something. I really do hope there’s no food in there. haha.

Okay then today Avril crashed my house, drenched from head to toe. haha. so we watched KO One while I was halfway doing the Indonesian fanletters. Then my camera totally died on me so I totally had to stop. Did some translations then went off for tuition. Oh and was talking to Avril about how cute Johnny simmons is.

After tuition, I looked like some stupid fool who was grinning to herself. (: i think I’m just putting myself on the stand to die already. Why do I get myself into deeper and deeper trouble? (although for the short term it IS worth it.) but I might just be getting myself into more deeper heartaches. sighhh. But I enjoyed my trip home from tuition. Although I think I looked spastic to everyone else. (:

Pictures!

i <3 clique. Alyssa, WHY DONT I HAVE A PICTURE WITH YOU YOU CAMERA SHY GIRL

Just back from dental. (:

Daddy sent me to dental and then I train-ed to Toa Payoh. Had to go to post office to send out the ordered items. Wanted to go TS but it wasn’t open so gave up and wanted to go take 105. Met Velda and Yichin.

They asked if I wanted to go Bugis to shop with them. If not for the fact that I’m meeting Hui Tze later, I would have gone. Oh plus the fact that I was carrying some humongous book and bottle of *whatever dental crap* hahaha. Anyway, I think we’ll go out again after OP. :D yichin is supposed to organise IG outing anyway. so he can 顺便 organise lunch/dinner for us as well.

Now, I can’t wrap my mind around one thing:

Why my mind is just full of thoughts, jumbled together, weaved together, nothing makes sense any longer and I can’t think straight. The dream is still etched in my mind, I can still feel the wild thumping of my heart. :/ I don’t know what to make of it. However, either way, I’m just killing myself, slowly. If all our suspicions are true, I’m just preparing myself for a bed of thorns to lie on. I’m just gonna stomp on my heart by myself instead of waiting for someone else to do it. I thought of christmas today. But do I really wanna build myself up? The higher you climb, the harder you fall, you know.

okay, off to anime! :D

The most important thing today is: HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNGSAENG OPPPA. OTTER PRINCE SARANGHAE

Otter Prince, I loveeee you. (: Your smile makes all the difference in the world.

I love it when you’re so spontaneous.

I love it when you throw yourself into your music.

I love your eyes. sexy! :D

I love you when you’re distracted

I LOVE your brotherly love! :D

best of all, your amazing smile. :D

I just love everything about you otter prince! :D

Seeing your smile, I involuntarily smile as well. I hear your laugh, and I laugh with you as well. I can identify your voice, just by listening to it. No matter how sad I am, I look at your smile and I feel happy once again!

I’m so glad I know SS501, so glad I know of you. Stay happy dear oppa, cos a smile looks best when on you! (:

Okay, today nothing much. OP was okay i guess. then headed back home with clique. lucky no PW.

Yay, so fun. (: We watched Ghost Train (which btw is damn boring) then watched Hana Kimi. Kenny’s facial expressions is damn funny!

Had lots of laughter today, thanks guys! :D

Pictures when Kenny or someone posts them.

I’m in love with WuZun and Jiro all over again! :D wheeee.

Oh yeah, and there’s dinner with HuiTze tmr, wheeeee. I think we’re still gonna go to HMV. wahaha. go with her i know won’t get lost. hahaha.

And another thing I need to blog about:

Had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt about _. from the past. I haven’t dreamt about _ in so long. they say 日有所思 夜有所梦 but no what. I haven’t really thought about him in quite long. I mean, apart from when I talked to him the other day. But OMG. I was quite shocked I dreamt about him and the best part was, it felt so super real! Which gave me the sinking feeling when I woke up and realised it was a dream. I can’t figure this out any longer. Please don’t tell me the flame… (NO, IT WAS PUT OUT BEFORE I EVEN LEFT SJC, RIGHT!) sighhhh. now i’m confused. Why would I have a random dream about him. Who I havent seen for ages, who I only spoke to recently about promos?

that’s all, off to spaz.